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“I really have to go now. I’m already late”, she told me while repeatedly pressing her soft lips onto mine.

Ironically, it was at that moment, when the song we listened to said: “I miss your lips”, as if it had knewn that we would never ever kiss each other again.

We made out that day after knowing each other for four days and emotionally connecting unusually fast for that amount of time. At least that was how I felt. For her, it was probably a onetime thing and just for fun. Something like the klimax of the foregone four days.

But for me, it was the exact opposite. Only the beginning of something bigger, the tip of the iceberg. For me, the fact that we made out after getting to know each other so quickly was the proof that our connection was something special.

And because of that one moment we shared together, that one single memory, I thought she felt the same way. But she didn’t. She fell in love with somebody else.

We’ve already talked a little bit about me and her previously.

At that time I couldn’t quite understand, why something like that was happening, because that one moment we had was so beautiful and it felt so good. I knew we both enjoyed it.

I really clung to that one single memory we shared with each other. I clung to it so much that I thought the feelings associated with it will last forever. And I even projected them onto her, believing that deep down she felt the same way. And that was a big mistake.

After a lot of time and struggling I learned something really important.
The reason why some people share so close bonds with each other. It is because they share so many different memories. They’ve been through a lot together and because of that, they have established a strong emotional connection over time.

What her and I shared was one single moment. But she and him had lots of more stronger memories they shared with each other. They were actually there for each other when they both needed it the most, while I was clinging to something so insignificant in comparison to that.

It was after that realization, that I decided to call this chapter of my story “Marvellous Memories”, but I didn’t understand the full meaning of that name for a long time.

Because of that, the first conclusion I drew was, that I just had to create many more memories with her, so that we can establish the same bond and then she would finally see how much she liked me and we would come together.
 
Seems legit.

To be fair, at that point, it was the only idea I had that I hadn’t tried out yet. So I tried. It didn’t work out.

Because she just didn’t have the same feelings I had for her. She probably never did. Heck, today I’m pretty sure that even I never did.

We humans are experts at holding on to our pasts, because when we try to deal with something without knowing how to do it, we orientate ourselves towards our own memories.

Yes, it’s true that the moments and memories we create with other people will define the feelings and connection we will have towards them. No matter if positive or negative.

But memories are no feelings themselves. They are just associations with the feelings we once had. We are just recycling them. And most of the time we even tend to unwittingly exaggerate them.

And when we do that, we flee into another reality, where we can untroubledly live through these feelings and past moments over and over again. By doing the same thing, we also imagine perfect moments sometimes or conversations that will never ever happen.

All that based on a single moment. Or should I say based on the wish of being better than you are right now?

But doing that prevents us from looking forward and perceiving the world as it is right now. The real world. Just because I made out with her and wanted to be in love with her so badly, I can’t expect the situation to be exactly the same in two weeks.

You can’t control nor tell, if they will develop feelings for you. And you can’t just project your own feelings onto them, because you still want the past to be true. No, you have to adapt to the present!

A few months later, I met another person. We’ve already talked about her as well.

At the beginning we had wonderful moments and I couldn’t even believe that someone could unconditionally like me so much. With her, I made my first experiences with something I would call unconditional affection.

But she lived very far away from me and we couldn’t see each other very regularly. That, on the other hand, had the consequence of our flame slowly fading away. Not because we weren’t trying. We phoned almost everyday. But we couldn’t really develop our relationship by not being able to see each other for so long.

And after some time I finally realized the source of every emotional connection:

You have to create new moments over and over and over again with somebody in order to form a connection that will involve long-term feelings.

It’s not only about having many memories to look back, it’s also about which feelings these memories involve and how often they occur and if they are positive or negative.

It’s so simple when you heard it once.

That’s the reason why you tell that particular friend of yours all of your secrets. Because he never judged you once and that made you feel comfortable around him. So now he’s the “I can tell him everything”-guy.

That’s the reason why you now are somehow having a crush on that girl you saw every day for the past two weeks. Because you could forget everything else when you were with her. That’s why you saw her everyday in the first place. And when you’re not around her, you miss her because of that. Or, probably more accurately, you miss this careless feeling you associate with her.

That’s the reason why you are so in love with this particular brand. Because they are telling you the same message and story over and over again until you started connecting specific aspects of that story you identified with to this brand.

And that’s also the reason why you hate this one guy. Because he was rude to you or your friends in the past and does things you can’t stand. And thus, you perceive him as an asshole.

Rikku, my nonexistend crush from Final Fantasy X, once said something that really made me think, but I couldn’t agree more when I first heard it:

“Memories are nice, but that’s all they are.”
- Rikku, Final Fantasy X

And well, that’s really all they are. They are just a thing that happened in the past.

That’s why you shouldn’t fixate so much on the events of the past. Don’t fixate on how beautiful it was the last time. Rather think about how it will be as beautiful or even more beautiful the next time!

And if there is no next time, then you were just not made for each other. Doesn’t matter if friendship or romantic relationship. And that’s totally okay, too!

One last thing, I wanted to say is that the beauty of this concept lies in the fact that you will create different memories with every human-being. And that means that everything bad that occured to you in the past has nothing to do with a person you didn’t know back then.

When your demons want to talk you into believing that a person you like is bad, because of past negative experiences with others, try to make yourself one thing clear: 

You don’t have any proof yet, that this person will be the same.

We should all focus more on the present and less on the past. Because the past is there to learn out of it. And not to cling onto it. We can only improve our lives when we see what’s in front of us and leave behind what’s already at the back of us.

Now, let’s finish the first big part of my story. Let’s connect the dots a little bit further. It was when I removed my mask. When I accepted that I was worthy of love. When I saw the beauty in my imperfection. When I accepted my past …

It was then, when I stopped being the center of the earth and started being just a part of it.